What do a one-eyed, tattooed, recovering addict/ex-con in the ‘hood that is Oakland, and a middle-aged decorator from an absurdly safe and ridiculously  “Norman Rockwell-esque” suburban community in a place called Pleasanton (of all things!) have in common?

Wait.  What was the question again?

If I lost you in the text of that poster child for run-on sentences, the answer is  –

More than you would imagine…

I am the most unlikely candidate to be able to relate to a group of men whose lives, up to this point, have been nothing but the horrors of abuse, abandonment and addiction. Men who have known the deep pain of being discarded, imprisoned, forgotten. They have lived through virtual starvation and dehydration.  And I’m not just talking about their daily lack of food and water.

Again, I’m back to the matter of the soul.  (Surprise, surprise…)

Blue Oaks Church, where Mark and I attend here in Pleasanton, CA, has set up a partnership with a ministry called City Team in the heart of Oakland, a city marked by homelessness and crime.

They are a non-profit organization that offers rehabilitation for men who are in recovery from alcoholism and addiction.  Many have spent time in prison or have been homeless up to this point.  City Team is a one-year program that retrains these men’s minds, bodies, souls and spirits. They equip them to return to society with the skills and mindset of a strong and healthy citizen. These men live on site and it is their job while there to help run City’s Team outreach to the homeless.

They learn to cook the food for those that come through the door twice a day.  They clean, serve meals, make up beds, do laundry.  Essentially, they are refilling the gaps and deep holes left by addiction, and its accompanying life toxins, with things that restructure their souls.

But they aren’t just exchanging bad habits for good ones.  They are exposed to so many things they’ve never experienced before.  Forgiveness, healing, learning.  Service to others.  Spiritual guidance.  Hard work.  The love of a Savior that died for every hideous thing they have experienced.  They learn that they were created for a Divine Purpose.  Each one of these concepts as new to them as to a newborn.

I can’t tell you how much I love going and spending time with these guys.  Over the course of a year, the changes are dramatic. It’s like watching the proverbial caterpillar trade in his multitude of dirty little feet for the wondrous wings that take him to places he never imagined.

 Miraculous things begin to appear:

– Attitudes morph from anger to gentle gratitude.

– Facial expressions flip from furrowed brows to toothy (or toothless) smiles.

– Countenance goes from nervous and agitated to a relaxed, peaceful demeanor.

Hearing their survival stories of despair and watching them experience love (many for the first time) is breathtaking.  Seeing their faces light up when they talk about their hopes and dreams for the future – a future they never thought they would have…well, honestly, there are no words to describe it.  But it  is one of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed.

The sad truth is, not everyone makes it to the end.  It’s a tough program.

Those that graduate are recognized and asked to tell their stories.

Their stories of how Jesus has literally loved the “hell” out of them.

What makes the difference between failure and success in this program of healing and restoration?

The key is letting go.

It’s recognition that they are not in control.  That their addictions have controlled their lives for far too long and they are helpless to overcome its power over them.  That they cannot change their pasts, their upbringing or lack thereof.  That all of the ways that they have tried to maintain control haven’t worked and have only buried them deeper in a pit of bondage.

If they succeed at City Team, it’s because they recognize the state of their battered, broken, weary souls.  In the deepest sense I have ever witnessed, they have come to understand their desperate need for a Savior.

That only Love can save them.

So who am I to go and meet with these souls who have been through more than I can ever imagine?

What do I have in common with these criminals, addicts, and homeless men?

At my core, everything.

My soul, like theirs, in its natural state is battered, broken and weary.  It is scarred and stained by my poor choices and the actions of others toward me. Bruised and bleeding from loss and circumstance.  In need of a Savior, a Healer, a Friend.

I, too, need Someone who will love the “hell” out of me.

The difference between me and them?

They have recognized their souls’ condition at the most literal and raw level. They see that their souls are broken. Hardened with scars. Desperate to be revived.

Survivors of hell on earth.

They have brought the remnants of what’s left of their souls and dropped them in front of Jesus, knowing they have tried every other way. They have released their control over to their loving Father.  And because of that, they have had the unspeakable pleasure of  tasting every decadent flavor of Grace. They actually understand why it’s so amazing.

Because they realize that Jesus is loving the “hell” of all they’ve done and been through right out of them.

And they are being changed.

I, on the other hand, think my offenses are only in need of a tiny portion of grace, as if there is any such thing.  I don’t savor what “Amazing” means in reference to grace.  It’s become a bland, overused word that I’ve taken for granted.

I don’t see that my brokenness of pride, selfishness and apathy require every bit as much grace as anything any of these recovering men have experienced or done.

My soul needs Jesus and His Amazing Grace.  Every.  Single.  Day.

A week and a half ago, I got to go and visit City Team again.  They asked if I could come and do something for their bare walls.  Script that would catch their eyes and give them some daily encouragement.

Barn wood came to mind. 🙂

And since I had a pile of it in my back yard, I took a few pieces, grabbed my stencils and paint and headed to Oakland, with my friend, Nick, who leads our team.

It was an entirely new group of guys.  Most had been there a month or less.  They really didn’t know this place or their housemates yet. Still a little hesitant.  A little hardened.  And a little skeptical about this short, female mid-lifer carrying in craft supplies. (Even now, it makes me laugh.  I must have looked ridiculous. :-))

(Notice how happy D. looks to see me 🙂 )

But these were just friends I didn’t know yet. Fellow souls. Souls on the brink of their healing process.  Broken souls with names and personalities and gifts. Souls that Jesus is wooing.  And maybe, just maybe, they would endure a couple hours of art?

I was ready to just jump in and show them what we were going to do.

What I wasn’t ready for was their level of enthusiasm!  I told them the general idea and then they took off with it.  They gathered in groups around these old fence boards and began painting words of inspiration and hope.  Verses.  The artists gave their own twist.  A former cabinet maker  carefully sanded each piece to make it look authentically old.  A tattoo artist showed us how to make the letters appear 3-D.  One young guy who is a sketch artist put a free-style background under his script.

And even more beautiful than their artwork was what was happening while they did it.  They were talking, with me, with Nick.  With each other!  They were experiencing teamwork with their new roommates.  They were laughing.  They were remembering their gifts and skills. They were pouring over scripture to find their verses. They were sharing stories of how they came to City Team.

So many stories, but all the same bottom line:

Each of them knew the desperation of their souls.  They knew they needed help and they are discovering that that rescue comes from Jesus.

Every old fence board with its slivers, discolorations and imperfections was being restored into something of beauty and meaning right before their eyes as they worked on their new wall art.  Discarded trash was becoming a brilliant new treasure.  And as each of them signed their names to this new creation, the symbolism wasn’t lost on any of us.

How many of these men will make it through the entire program?  I don’t know.   But I can tell you it will be the same number that trust that Jesus really does, and CAN, love the “hell” out of them.  

He will replace it with forgiveness, healing.  Amazing Grace.  Purpose.

And for the first time in their lives they will have the opportunity to experience HEAVEN on earth.  A soul set free. 

And you and me?

We can, too.

Hugs and prayers,

Your soul sister – J

“You’ll use the rubble of past lives to BUILD ANEW, RESTORE the foundations of your past.  You’ll be known as those who can FIX, RESTORE, REBUILD, RENOVATE.  Make the community livable again.”  Isaiah 58:12