This business of growing and healing.
I don’t know.
It’s both grueling and amazing. If I hadn’t been part of something I hate so fiercely and love so deeply I wouldn’t have thought it was possible to experience both ends of the spectrum at the same time.
Seriously. How is that possible?
When I was a kid and my dad was the “tickle monster” with my brothers and me, we would be desperate for him to stop when our tired little laughing heads couldn’t take it any more. “Stop, daddy, stop!” we would call out through our laughter that was morphing into tears. He would stop, of course. But seconds later, without fail, each of us would cry, “Do it again!”
That’s a little how I am feeling about this healing thing…”Stop, Daddy, stop!”/”Do it again!”
The agony and the ecstasy.
There is so much to detest about it.
– It’s hard.
-It hurts.
-It requires change.
-It takes me out of my comfort zone.
-It’s never ending.
And did I mention it’s hard, it hurts, requires change, takes me out of my comfort zone and is never ending?
Sigh.
But then again, there’s so much to adore about it.
-It’s hard. (That’s called strength-training.)
– It hurts. (That’s called healing.)
-It requires change. (That’s called progress.)
-It takes me out of my comfort zone. (That’s called stretching.)
-It’s never ending. (That’s called eternal.)
And just to be clear, it’s hard, it hurts, requires change, takes me out of my comfort zone and is never ending.
I am becoming so much more aware of the fact that anything lasting, anything worth fighting for, is going to cost something. Baby glimpses of growth, whiffs of sweet healing make that cost feasible, intriguing even.
It seems that every ounce of growth produces a pound of new testing, the chance to take what I’ve learned in this healing and apply it to a new circumstance.
Exhausting.
Exhilarating.
A tiny bit changed.
A big bit humbled.
A heart all the more in love with and dependent upon Jesus.
Because, like never before, I realize that I am in desperate need of the healing that only comes from His hand. That every iota of true growth and change in me was His idea first and is only possible because He is my source of strength.
And so I will have tears. Because, dang it, it hurts!
I will have stretch marks on my soul from the pull it takes to get me out of my comfort zone.
There will be a few scars on my heart where healing is having its way with deep gouges.
My mind’s eye will probably show circles of weariness.
But I will not be the same tomorrow as I was yesterday.
And as soon as I finish crying, “Stop, Daddy, stop!” I will smile and say, “Do it again!”…
2 Corinthians 3:18 – And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
Philippians 1:6 – And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.
Psalm 51:10 – Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
