Spent.

It’s a pretty good word.

When we’re talking about money, it means we’ve used it all.

If we’re discussing time, we’ve invested it all.

It’s when we give something to another person or endeavor, knowing we’ll never quite get it back in the same form we gave it.

Hopefully, most of those “spending” scenarios end up being a good investment in something even more valuable than what we gave, whether it’s money, time or energy.

I find myself in that “spent” place. Following an intense week of creativity, connection and a frenetic pace (of which I loved every single minute!) I’m left feeling a bit flat.  The aftermath of exhaustion has set in.  And with it, that sense of “nothing left to give”.

This doesn’t sit well with me.  I want to do more, to go more, to give more.  I want to interact and create and live out loud.

But it would appear that as of Sunday afternoon, my last cent of energy left me.  All inspiration seems to have fled from every corner of my mind, leaving only a dull, foggy, mist of thought that I can’t seem to grab hold of.

This used to frighten me.  As if somehow, a slow leak had suddenly drained me of exuberant life, never to be recovered.  A semi-conscious coma of sorts.

But I have come to understand that this is how God allows our bodies, minds and souls to rest and regenerate and revive.  Down time.

I force myself to remember that the ways in which my time, my energy, my love were spent were for a greater return.  That every endeavor and connection and creative outlet were just a few well-spent dollars in the economy of eternity.

Jesus experienced times of being emotionally and physically spent.  Times that he needed to just be alone with His Father to regroup and refresh.  He gave everything He was and had and went back to The Father to fill His “bank” before more withdrawals were required.

Which is how I need to look at this time of being “spent.”  Having given what He asked of me, I will wait patiently and (semi) quietly for the One whose emotional, physical, mental and spiritual riches are my bottomless source.

Using this down time to look up…

Luke 5:15-16 – But the news about Him was spreading even farther, and large crowds were gathering to hear Him and to be healed of their sicknesses. But Jesus Himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray.

Mark 1:35-38 – Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.  Simon and his companions went to look for him, and when they found him, they exclaimed: “Everyone is looking for you!” Jesus replied, “Let us go somewhere else—to the nearby villages—so I can preach there also. That is why I have come.”