Sleep was nowhere to be found last night. Restless legs were flying everywhere. Psychologists would have had a hay day with the pseudo-dreams I had. In and out of semi-consciousness with pictures of things I was trying to fix that had no solution. Puzzles that couldn’t be solved. Questions that couldn’t be answered. And those restless, flying legs thrashing about and fidgeting, trying desperately to find a comfortable place to settle down. It was a bad night.
I’m sure that there are internal things that I’m wrestling with that lead to those kinds of nights and dreams. (Or it could also have been the ice cream I ate before bed!)
Although I don’t know the exact meaning of those fitful dreams last night, they did spur some thoughts about life and faith.
Paul, in the New Testament, struggled with something he didn’t understand, that tormented him. We don’t know exactly what it was, whether it was an relentless, intruding thought, something about himself or his circumstances. But we do know that it was a “thorn in his flesh” and that he repeatedly asked God to take it away from him. It caused his heart to have the same reaction my legs did to my frustrating and sleepless dreams. An inner wrestling. An irritating, continual gnawing. God’s response? But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9).
I remember talking with a friend years ago when she was struggling with wondering what God was going to do in her given situation. She said, “I know that He CAN change the circumstance. I just don’t know if He WILL.” So true, isn’t it? Most of us don’t struggle with having the faith to believe that God CAN do something. Where our faith tends to hit a wall is in recognizing that though He CAN change things, He might decide NOT to. Knowing that, we have to get our heads and our hearts around the fact that no matter what He chooses to do or not do, He has a plan. If the “thorn in our flesh” continues, it’s to remind us that it’s not about the thorn – it’s about His sufficient grace WITH the thorn. It’s about showing His power to be stronger than the thorn. If He chooses to allow the thorn instead of to remove it, it is just as much a perfect plan. If plucking the thorn from our lives, our minds, our hearts brings our (and others’) focus more directly to Him, that’s what He’ll do. But if leaving the thorn there draws more hearts to His own, He’ll use that prickly annoyance fully to do just that. Either way, His plan is fashioned with great love, care, concern and purpose.
Thorns don’t take away from the beauty of a rose, do they? Their stark contrast only serves to highlight the sweet scent, the gorgeous sight, and the soft touch of the flower.
We all have thorns. Some will pass quickly and some will stick with us all our lives. But if we allow it, every single one will bring a little more depth, purpose and vision to our lives as we lean into the Strength and Grace that is completely sufficient for us.
I love what Paul says in the next part of the same verse – Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:9). We have a God who is bigger than any thorn. And just like Paul, we can experience that same power that comes with knowing Jesus and knowing that He has a plan. A very, very good plan…
