Several years ago I had the opportunity to be a tour host for the Superbowl.  It was my job to keep my group together and to get them where they needed to go at the right time.  I know what you’re thinking.  The thought of ME getting myself anywhere on time is unheard of, let alone anyone else.  Nonetheless, this was my task.

Obviously, these organizational duties were weighing heavily on my mind every waking moment.  I was on high alert, knowing that it was just a matter of time (no pun intended) until I screwed up. Still, I kept a smile on my face so that these clients wouldn’t know the dread that was wreaking havoc on my brain. Keeping a schedule, being in charge, time restrictions and organizational thought – all foreign to my natural bent – were required of me 24/7 for that week.  Yeah, something was about to go wrong.

The tour bus pulled up and my people began boarding.  I ran back into the hotel (The Ritz Carlton!) to gather my paperwork.  Now, what any sane person would have done would be to put all of those papers together in a binder, neatly labeled and in order.  But we are not talking about a sane person here.  We are talking about me.  I grabbed all of it, loose and unorganized and dashed out the door to avoid missing the bus and letting down all of my people.

The door hit me on the way out, I lost my balance and yes, dropped every one of those loose leaves of paper on the ground in front of the massive Ritz hotel entrance.  As I bent down to pick them up, mortified by my foolish mishap, I heard a voice above me say, “Here, let me help you with that.”

I let out a grateful “thank you so much!” and looked up to see  who my hero was.  And wouldn’t you know, it was WILLIAM H. MACY, the actor!  In seconds I went through the emotions of shock, being star struck and completely humiliated all at the same time.  I’m not sure how long it took me to bring my chin back up to the rest of my face, but I reminded myself that he was just a man and promised myself I wouldn’t ask for his autograph.  As I stood up I tried to think of something clever to say, something that maybe this actor could use in one of his future endeavors.  But I had nothing.  Nothing, that is, except a mass of unorganized papers.  As I stood up and smiled, I held out my hand to tell him thank you once again.  And that’s when it happened.  Once again, every last one of those papers jumped out of my arms and floated, as if in slow motion, to the ground.  I don’t know the word that is three steps past mortified, but that’s what I felt at that moment.

I profusely apologized as I bent down to retrieve everything that I had just lost once again, only to see William H. Macy’s back as he left me to my own mess and went on his merry way.  He had no time or patience for someone so clumsy.  Once was forgivable.  Twice was not…

Last night I was talking with a dear friend about the idea of forgiveness.  We’ve all heard the adage that forgiving is a “gift to ourselves”.  It frees us.  So why is it so difficult to do if we benefit so much from it?

I think that it’s hard for us to imagine that the other person doesn’t have to do anything, doesn’t have to change or apologize or make things right for us to forgive him or her.  And that doesn’t seem right.  There is no equity in that.

Our end seems heavier on the scale of  fairness. We are doing all the work. Forgiveness on our side, nothing on theirs.  But I think I’ve found what works for me in balancing the scales in areas of my life that require forgiveness.  I forgive and my end of things seems to carry the weight.  It’s all on my side.  If forgiveness is for me, why does the weight of it still feel heavy?

There is something else that needs to take place alongside forgiveness.  If I hold to forgiveness as some sort of trophy, it will weigh me down.  Forgiveness was never meant to stand alone.  It has a close friend named Grace that works alongside it. Grace is given to the other, offending party.  It means giving the person what they don’t deserve. And as I hand Grace over to the other side of the scale, my load lightens.  The scales begin to balance, not because the other person did anything at all, but because we gave them something they didn’t earn.   Forgiveness on my side of the scale , Grace on theirs.

Too often we want the other side of the scale to look like an apology or deserved pain or regret.  Those may happen and they may not.  But we can’t waste our time on an unbalanced scale when Grace offers to do the job now.  Jesus didn’t wait for us to make things right with Him.  He forgave and offered grace to reset the scales.
William H. Macy didn’t  forgive or offer grace the second time I failed.  He just walked away.  I bet his scale has been off ever since…which could explain why he hasn’t done any big projects since then.  Coincidence ???  I think not… 🙂

Ephesians 4:32  – Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.