I had a boss once (I won’t say where) who made me cry pretty much every day.  And he seemed to get some kind of sick pleasure out of it.  He wasn’t a monster and I enjoyed him as a person outside of work, but he used intimidation as his “motivator”.  It didn’t work for me.  It just made me panic, tense up, and fail at my performance as an employee.  And the thought that I had failed and let him down, made me cry at the end of each day.  Whenever he came in the room, all my thought processes would freeze up and I would end up making a fool of myself.  The feeling that he was always looking over my shoulder, just waiting for me to fail, killed me. I ended up stepping down from the position in defeat.

I also have worked for bosses who are at the other end of the spectrum.  They loved and believed in me, and in turn, I was able to thrive at my job and do my very best.  My motivation wasn’t fear.  It was love and gratitude.  I wanted to do above and beyond what they asked because they were so good to me.  Those were the places when I would stay after work just to have conversations with my boss.  There was relationship there.  And because of that they had my loyalty and devotion.

I’ll admit it.  I used to think of God as the first kind of boss.  The guy just waiting for me to mess up so he could point the finger at how inept I was.  I lived in fear.  Fear of failure.  Fear of never being able to do enough to please Him, or doing it all wrong.  I was a striving, stressed out mess.  Always guilt ridden.  Always afraid that I didn’t measure up.  And way too often, it paralyzed me.

But over the years, as I have seen more and more of the heart of God, I realize that I had it all wrong.  I was living like I thought I could earn God’s favor through my good behavior.  Like I could actually earn brownie points.  I was also living like I forgot about grace and that Jesus took on death so that I wouldn’t have to live in fear any more.

Instead, I get to live from a place of love and thankfulness.  I get to walk hand-in-hand with Jesus every single day.  He sees me as beautiful and priceless and pure in spite of all that I’ve thought and said and done.  Because I’m forgiven.  All of my “stuff” is off my record.  I get a fresh start every single day.  And though I remember what I’ve done, He doesn’t.  He doesn’t hold my past against me.  He doesn’t hold the fact that I’m “not enough” against me.  Because He IS enough FOR me.

And somehow knowing that motivates me to want to please Him with my attitudes and my words and my choices.  I want my actions to reflect the One who loved me enough to die for me and chooses to live inside me and walk beside me every day.  And I am free to really be who He created me to be – to thrive in using my gifts and abilities to show people how awesome He is.

He’s not looking over my shoulder.  He’s carrying me on His.  And that’s a place with a really good view.  A place driven by a fierce love that’s kissed fear goodbye….

1 John 4:18 – Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.