Today was a day of little losses….

– I lost a little bit of a dream

-I lost a little faith in humanity

-I lost a little bit of pride

As most of you know by now, I’m the excited, “let’s go!”, run-ahead, think later girl.  And sometimes it kicks my butt.  Like today….

I submitted some manuscripts to a publisher last week and began the process of talking with the “acquisitions editor”.   Over the weekend, I got a very encouraging, and promising email from the founder and chairman of the board himself, telling me that my words had beat the odds of tens of thousands of submissions.  That I had, in fact, made the cut to the “single digit percentage” that they would invest in.  Of course, I was excited!    He asked that I call and ask for him personally on Monday (today).

I called.  He wasn’t available.  He called me back.  Bad connection.  He emailed me and said he was swamped and would call me later today.  The call never came.  But I had lost hope long before the end of the day.

Because I had done some more research.  And things do not seem to be quite what they originally appeared to be.  The more I read, the faster my tears came.  Testimonials of people who, like me, had submitted their work, were quickly accepted and then were told that they must pay an upfront fee of $4,000.00 – a big no-no I’m told if it’s a reputable publisher.  Initially, they had told me there were no up front fees.  To hear the stories of people’s initial joy at their work being chosen for publishing was like listening to your boyfriend tell another girl how special she was in the exact same way he told “only you”.  My stomach just kind of turned.

A little of my dream fizzled right in front of my eyes.  A little of my faith in the decency of mankind dwindled.  But probably the biggest little loss was my pride.  Not so much pride in my work, but embarrassment that I had been so easily bamboozled. (I don’t think I’ve ever spelled that word before.)  Basically, I just felt like an idiot, and that no, I will not be trying this again.

But there was more that happened today than little losses.  There were also joys that far outweigh those losses.

-the great joy of being loved and supported by friends and family

-the great joy of being able to laugh in the middle of sadness

-the great joy of writing that has nothing to do with being published

First thing this morning, my precious friend Becky came to pray with me.  She and Blake and Abby all took turns praying for me before “the phone call” in the middle of our kitchen.  Precious.  Each prayer different and unique and special.  Each reflecting a different personality and their own particular relationship with me.  Beautiful.  Nothing short of beautiful.

As the day went on, people texted and emailed and called to see how things had gone.  I didn’t feel much like talking about it, but hopefully I contacted each person and updated them on the situation.  If I missed you, please forgive me.  I’ve been processing this thing all day.  Thank you for your undying support and love, regardless of what happened.  It got me through this day.  It made me able to laugh through the tears and find the traces of humor in the situation.  Thank you.  I have amazing friends and family.

And at the end of the day the strangest thing was that all I really wanted to do was write.  You’d think I’d have run from it.  But I wanted to run to it.  I knew that it would always be there for me regardless if I was ever able to do anything amazing with it.  I would just love it and that would be enough.

So, thank you, God, for a good day.  Not a day I was hoping for or a day I was expecting.  But a good day where eternal, relational joy outweighed the temporal, situational disappointment.  And I can go to bed with a very thankful smile on my face.