The thing about anxiety is, it’s not necessarily rational.  It fears the “what if’s” even if they never happen.  It overanalyzes and feeds on itself.

As someone once explained to me years ago when my anxiety was at an all time high, it dwells in a riverbed dug by something traumatic or dramatic that has happened to you.  And though that riverbed can be good and dry for long periods of time, there are certain triggers that can release the flood of fear to flow right back into that welcoming groove of anxiety.  And just as often as those triggers are real, there are triggers that aren’t as well.

The key is to change the pattern of that riverbed.  And that means changing the way I think, my perspective.  Not an easy task, as my many years of struggle with this monster would attest.

I woke up next to the monster today.  (Not Mark, silly!  He’s travelling!)  Anxiety was right there waiting for me when I opened my eyes.  He looks different each time I see him, as he morphs to resemble each fear that I have.  Sometimes he looks like “not enough” when I don’t think I have what it takes to do all God is asking me to do.   Sometimes he looks like “history” where mistakes I or others have made in the past haunt me.  And sometimes he just looks like a “shadow” when things are so good that I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

But no matter what he looks like, he is not real.  He is a figment of my overactive imagination, like a monster under the bed.  I let fear create him.  And though he looks and acts and feels real, he is made up of things that are irrational and just plain false.  He is a tool that Satan uses to paralyze me and distract me so that my focus is on me instead of others.  So that I become ineffective and care more about my circumstance or the thoughts in my head than about the exciting things that God wants to show me and potentially use me for each day.

Jesus and I talked about this a lot this morning.  I honestly shared my heart.  And He said that He would fight the monster for me.  That he would hold my hand today, very firmly in His own, as we go through this day together.  And when anxiety raises its ugly head, He will kindly punch that monster in the face for me – knocking out the teeth that threaten to bite, removing that nasty, smug grin that mocks me, and breaking the nose that seems to sniff out the fear in my life and preys on it.

I love how Jesus so uniquely speaks to each of us in our own language, through things that hold meaning for us.  He offers peace that way on days when I so desperately need it.  Today He did it again.  When I opened my devotional for my quiet time this morning, here was the opening line – “Bring me all your feelings, even the ones you wish you didn’t have.  Fear and anxiety still plague you…Do not hide from your fear or pretend it isn’t there.  Anxiety that you hide in the recess of your heart will give birth to fear of fear; a monstrous stepchild.  Bring your anxieties out into the light of my presence, where we can deal with them together.” (from Jesus Calling).  Isn’t that incredible?  The exact thing I was dealing with, with the exact word pictures that were in my head!  Amazing!  And at the same time, a song came on Pandora.  One of my favorites – Healer.  Here it is –

Isn’t that just incredible?  That’s how much Jesus loved me this morning, to give me all that without my even asking.  That’s how He knows my heart and yours.  That’s how much He wants to walk each day with us and help us face down the monsters under the bed, whatever they may be.

And so now, I head into my day, Lord, knowing You are more real and more active and more strong than any monster, real or imagined, that I face.  Here is my hand.  Please hold it.  Hold me.  And let’s do this thing….together.

1 John 4:4 – You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.

1 John 4:18 – But perfect love drives out fear…