This is after my horrible experience at Walmart yesterday standing in line (actually 4 lines all together) for 25 minutes.  Seriously, it was like a Saturday Night Live skit, only not funny.  I literally had to go in four different lines to get checked out…crazy story, and I won’t bore you with the details, but easily the most ridiculous set of circumstances.  Especially since I had a houseful of people coming over for a Christmas party last night….Yeah, I hate Walmart…

‘Twas the night of the party

And all through the store

Only two lines had workers

Not a single one more

Walmart’s not my favorite place

Nor will it ever be

But this night would take the cake

As you soon will see.

The customers lined up

With carts filled to the top

All in a hurry

But all had to stop.

And stand in the measly two lines

That had formed

Parents were grumbling

As the children all squirmed.

And I and my cart

Just wanted to go

But instead of the fast lane

We were in  the slow.

My eyes how they darted

From line to long line

Would that one be better?

Would it save me more time?

So I wrestled my broken cart

Over one row

Where an old woman questioned

Every coupon she owned.

Also hard of hearing

This wasn’t going well

My patience grew thinner

I hoped she couldn’t tell.

And finally as my turn

Came up at last

I remembered an item

I’d forgotten to snatch

I turned to the woman

Behind me in line

“I forgot something”

And gave her the spot that was mine.

I rushed through the crowd

To find what I’d missed

But of course they didn’t have it

And now I was pi….miffed :-).

Back to the lines

I ran in a dash

I’d do self-check

I pulled out my cash.

When what to my utter dismay

I realized

That I couldn’t scan produce

In the self-check line.

I muttered out loud

“Are you kidding me?”

And off to my fourth line

I wasn’t happy.

Another old person

Was there checking out

I tried not to cry

But I couldn’t help pout.

He wanted to use

Not one card but two

Separate transactions

I was sure I would spew.

My breaths came out loudly

Through both sides of my nose

Impatient sighs

As my restlessness shows.

But no, there was more

As I heard the clerk say

“This machine is broken.

But the managers on her way.”

Tempted at this point

To go to line five

Should I go or should I stay?

Should I risk another line?

I opted to stay

As the manager came

She whistled and sang

Was this some kind of game?

To play with the customers

Taunting and teasing?

Trying our last nerves?

Prevent us from leaving?

The problem now fixed

My time had now come

I placed all my items down

And, oh, grabbed some gum.

All of my groceries

Now in their bags

My debit card out

Oh how this day drags…

Close to my getaway

Excitement is growing

But what’s this she’s saying?

The gift card’s not showing.

What should she do

When the gift card won’t take?

Does she offer me cash?

Does she give me a break?

Once again, she calls

For help from above

The manager comes,

…oh, for the love!

She’s whistling again!

Why is she so happy?

Please give me my cash

And please make it snappy!

Twenty five minutes later

I’m out of the line

On my way out the door

I let out a long sigh.

Hope they didn’t hear me exclaim

As I drove out of sight

“I hate Walmart

Even more tonight!”