There has been a rush of many emotions over the past few days.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  Or, more accurately, the happy and the sad.  Which brought my thoughts to the two different ways a heart can go when it hurts.

I pictured an actual physical heart.  It is meant to be healthy.  Because if it is healthy, it can withstand a lot of life and living.  It is a muscle, but as it gets stronger it maintains its softness, its pliability.  It’s softness allows it to do all that it needs to do to function at it’s highest potential. To beat, to supply life to the rest of the body.  It’s strength is increased as it is exercised and used and the strength is what makes the softness truly effective.  A strong heart can recover from the wear and tear of life that changes the blood pressure and the pulse.  An unhealthy heart, however, does not fare so well, and can actually cease to work under these conditions.

And so then I related that to the emotional heart.  Life happens and our heart has a choice.  When it is hurt, it can petrify itself in protection.  This will keep it from hurting again as nothing will be able to penetrate its walls.  But it will lose its life.  There is no softness, so there is no ability to pump, to bring life to itself and others.  This would be the protected, shut down, unhealthy heart.  Safe from harm, but dead.

The other option the heart has is to use the hurt as an exercise to the muscle.  To keep it pliable and soft while strengthening it at the same time.  Because it is kept soft, it will undoubtedly be hurt again.  But each time, as it strengthens, it’s response to pain becomes healthier.  And it becomes less afraid of being hurt, knowing that the work of the exercise of wrestling with the hurt will ultimately make it stronger.

Here is my thought.  The difference between the two is the fear factor.  Protecting ones-self with a hard, non-penetrable wall is done from a place of fear.  I’m afraid of being hurt again, so I will shut down to avoid that.  Even if it kills me in the long run.  Staying soft and open,on the other hand, even with the threat of impending pain, seems to come out of a sense of courage or confidence.  This doesn’t mean that fear is not present, but that fear does not win.  Truly, “perfect love casts out fear”.

Jesus understands pain.  He understands being misunderstood.  Betrayed.  Denied.  Wrongly accused.  Lonely.  He could have closed himself off.  Walked away.  Refused to invest in other’s lives.  Avoided the cross.  But He knew the bigger picture…love was worth the pain.  A heart that has a great capacity for hurt, also has a great capacity to love.

So, Jesus, in my hurt, please keep my heart soft and pliable as you help to make it stronger.  Use it to bring life, not just to myself, but to others, like You did.  A lump in my throat, an ache in my heart, but a smile in my knowledge that You have a sweet plan for this heart.  May it look a little like Yours…