(Today’s post is dedicated to the precious woman who has walked through this past year with me, asking me the right questions and providing me with the right tools and guidance to dig past the rocks and find the treasure of my soul’s freedom from Shame.  To my counselor, Helen, my indebted heart says ‘thank you!’ xoxoxoxo)

“The mistake ninety-nine percent of humanity made, as far as Fats could see, was being ashamed of what they were; lying about it, trying to be somebody else.”
― J.K. Rowling, The Casual Vacancy

Hello Friend!

Thanks for meeting me here again today! Another step forward as we press on toward healing and wholeness.

Were you able to think about our question at the end of yesterday’s post?  Can you recall your first encounter with Shame and how it impacted your life, maybe even ’til now?

As I told you yesterday,  I met Shame early on.

For many, my experience would seem insignificant.

Maybe you’ve thought all along that your experience with Shame was, too.

But while our encounters with Shame might not look dramatic from the outside, they can create havoc inside of us and change the course of our lives.

Two small words, “Who cares?” said to me at age 5, affected nearly every area of my life from that moment on:

1. My relationships.
2. My self-image.
3. How I processed emotions.
4. How I viewed the world.
5. How I interacted with others.
6. How I parented.
7. What decisions I made.

Though I’ve always had a vivid memory of the day those words were said, only this year am I realizing that that thread of thought has been tangling and  creating knots in my life all along.

Have you tugged at the beginning string of your Shame story? Are you sensing a pull that goes further?

Shame told my child self that my feelings were unacceptable.

So I learned to hold in, shut up and carry on.

I learned to seek out the needs of others and ignore or downplay my own.

I learned to share the facts of my experiences without divulging how they impacted me.

I learned to share the good and hide the bad.

I learned to tell people what they wanted to hear.

I learned how NOT to be vulnerable.

In other words, the same old culprits that Shame has used in my life over and over again:

– Perfectionism

– People-pleasing

– Control Issues

– Comparison

– Fear/Anxiety

– Self-loathing

Do any on this list seem familiar to you? Are they weighing you down?  Have you lived with them so long that you can’t imagine life without them?

Then I’m glad you’re here.  I promise you there is freedom and it can be yours.

Meet me here tomorrow where we’ll get to know a little bit more about our enemy, Shame.  His beginning.  His motivation.  His ploys.  His three most common points of attack. And finally, his Achilles heel.

Let’s learn how to pull that thread and watch Shame come undone…

xoxoxo

j

janajarvis82@gmail.com