I am a DIY-er in a lot of things in my life. And I’m not just talking about home improvement projects.
My mom tells me that as a toddler I used to say, “I do it myself!” Typical for a two-year-old, for sure. Good for learning independence and lessons in trial and error. I’m sure my mom scored all sorts of patience points with the extra time it took, allowing me to assert myself in things a bit beyond my capabilities. Thanks, mama. 🙂
Thing is, I’ve taken that same approach in the fifty years since I declared with all my toddler authority, that I could pick out my own outfits, make my own bed, ride my own trike, etc.
Independence is a good thing.
But when taken to the extreme of not seeking or accepting help from others, it can become a problem. It can morph into isolation and the wrong assumption that “I don’t need anyone else.”
Enter our old familiar enemy – PRIDE.
Many times, the reason I don’t ask for assistance goes even further than thinking I can do it all alone. Two more enemies come into play:
FEAR – What if I ask for help and people think I’m needy? What if it cramps their plans or schedule? What if they don’t really want to help me but are just doing it out of a sense of obligation?
Or worse yet:
SELFISHNESS – Will this put me in their debt? How will I pay them back for their time, effort and care? What if things get more complicated because more people are involved?
All of these reasons can keep me paralyzed in my cocoon of the most extreme DIY – trying to do life by myself.
I can’t grow this way. I can’t truly live this way.
The truth is that God never meant for us to do it alone. He created us for community and sharing life with others.
It’s why He gave us each different gifts and abilities. So that we could HELP each other. So that I could help fill in your gaps and you could fill in mine.
From the time of creation, God was not satisfied with just a single human on the planet.
Genesis 2:18 – The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
God’s design for humans was to share the load. To work together. To live in community with others.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 – Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
In the new testament, the same model of community and sharing is meant to be practiced in the church:
Ephesians 4:16 – He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.
If I’m trying to do it all on my own, I’m stunting my own growth and the growth of others. It robs all parties of sharing their gifts in the way they were meant to be shared – to benefit others and to mutually experience the unity God intended.
I’m terrible at asking for help. I would much rather be the one helping.
And once again, I need to get over myself (in the most literal sense this time!)
Calling my counselor was a good step. But I need to keep practicing the humility, the courage and the selflessness it takes to fight the pride, fear and selfishness that wants to stop me.
Today’s hard thing is asking for help.
My mom and dad are here for a visit this week. It’s been a great time of catching up and just enjoying each other’s company. I’m cherishing every moment that I know will pass too quickly.
My dad is extremely handy. I don’t think he’s ever met a project he didn’t try and actually like. His mind is constantly looking for things to build, fix, create or learn.
I got our new home all together before their visit. But the garage has a ways to go. I want to get it all organized and user friendly, and I’m a little overwhelmed by the prospect of getting there.
So, I am asking my dad to help me set up a “workshop” type area. A small space for tools and supplies. A first step in a big project.
But even asking that is hard for me. I want him to just enjoy his visit here, not be put to work with my ideas and dreams. I could try and makeshift my way through the disorganization after he leaves.
Here’s the thing, though. He LOVES this kind of stuff! It’s what He was made for – to find a solution and then make it happen. To build something with his hands, using his incredible mind to create what wasn’t already there.
So today, dad and I will go to the hardware store and TOGETHER find organizational solutions to my dilemma. We will work side by side in the garage. I will observe and learn and do what he instructs. And he will bless me by doing something he loves.
And something will emerge that wasn’t there before. An area for my tools. A smidgen of growth in my mind and soul. A chance for him to share his skills and love in a practical way. A beautiful memory for me and my dad.
I think it’s going to be a really good day…
- Is there an area in your life where you need help and are afraid to ask? Is pride or selfishness getting in the way?
- Are you robbing someone of the opportunity to be a blessing and the chance to share what they do best?
- Are you robbing yourself of the chance to practice community with another where mutual care and love could be expressed?
- What beauty and growth could take place if you took the risk to ask for that help?
Hugs to and prayers for you as you grow a tiny bit more today…
xoxoxo
j
