(Everyone has something worth fighting for. We just have to figure it out and do it…)
I stood in front of the mirror this morning in just my skivvies.
Normally I wouldn’t do this before putting my contacts in or my glasses on, to avoid the obvious.
But this time I saw it all with 20/20 vision. Five feet two inches of stretch marks, age spots and crepping skin. And instead of hurriedly putting my clothes on to once again spare my eyes from time’s reality, I stood firm, looking straight into that image before me and flexed both arms.
Of all the descriptions that could have graced my lips and for the first time in my life, as I saw that image, only one word came to mind:
Warrior.
Because here’s what I know:
– Stretch marks come from growth and birth.
– Age spots come with wisdom and experience.
– Creping is what happens to soft things like silk and cotton, things that represent beauty and warmth.
I have known great pain, great loss, great grief within my great love, great joy, great life.
I am a warrior with battle wounds that have prepared me for my next fight.
This time the war is against fear itself, against (to coin a phrase from my new favorite author, Steven Pressfield) “The Resistance” that would hold me back from a glorious new adventure that calls me – the profession (no longer hobby) of writing.
I can learn from the training methods of The Few and The Proud.
They start with boot camp. Marine Corps sergeant describes it like this:
The most important single thing to know about boot camp is that it is 100% designed to reprogram children and civilians into warriors.It places within them a sense that they are expected to do important things…You have to train 18 year olds to run to the sound of gunfire and perform under fire and the threat of death. – Jon Davis, Sergeant, Iraq Veteran and Weapons Instructor
In my battle against fear of and in my new venture, there are things that have had to happen in preparation for my retraining.
Reprogramming requires ELIMINATION.
New recruits into the Marines give up everything they’ve known to be part of something bigger. This symbolically shows up with their first haircut. They are required to give up their civilian clothing, belongings and attitudes.
As one recruit put it: “They’re trying to strip you down to something they can work with.”
In order for my thinking to change, to be fight worthy, I need to root out some things that are standing in the way of that happening. This past year has been one of elimination, both voluntary and required.
God has removed things and so have I.
– From my closet – getting rid of the excess that just sits there and makes decisions more difficult
– From my diet – removing (or at least reducing!) foods that cause pain, fogginess and overall toxic effects on my body
– From my mind – discontinuing habits and ways of thinking that were either harmful or, at the very least, not helpful.
– From my life – decluttering my days of the “urgent” and replacing it with only the important.
Figuring out that just because I CAN doesn’t mean I SHOULD. This has been boot camp.
Reprogramming requires RECEIVING.
After boot camp is finished, intensive mental and physical training can continue. The Marine’s mind and body are ready for what comes next. There is a clean and healthy slate to work with. Now focus can happen and things can be retained.
In order for me to move forward in new thinking, I need to be willing to learn. As my “cleaning out” has left sweet empty space, I’ve found room for new ideas, better ways of doing things, instructions for next steps.
This requires openness to input.
– To the expertise of others – soaking in the wisdom of those who have gone before me – God, family, friends, mentors.
– To the counsel of other writers – reading and taking copious notes from those who have both the creative knowledge and professional experience I crave.
– To the critique and constructive criticism of those I trust and respect.
I must trust that the good, the bad and the ugly that I receive are true gifts – my training.
Reprogramming requires hard work and dedication.
The motto of the Marines is Semper Fidelis, or “always faithful”. It depicts their work ethic, their commitment and their loyalty to the mission at hand, each other, the Corps and their nation, regardless of the situation. They are in this heart and soul.
Any elimination, anything I receive is worth nothing if I’m not willing to follow it up with good old fashioned work.
I have to combine my creative effort with hard core discipline.
– I must trade my couch for my upright writing chair and desk.
– I must turn off my outer distractions so that I only hear my “muse” music and see the canvas of my screen.
– I must do it every single day. In some capacity. I must make the time.
– I must push past my comfort zones and daily try to implement new learning.
– I must face every day as an opportunity to stand, well armed, in the face of the enemy of fear.
I must treat this new endeavor with a Semper Fidelis attitude.
Whether they live or die, Marines are heroes because they fight, they face the enemy and use everything they are and have to defeat him. They represent something bigger than themselves.
Whether I succeed or fail, I will be a warrior because I fought. I gave it my all. I stood up to fear and robbed it of its power.
WARRIOR.
Stretch marks, age spots, chicken neck and all…. 🙂
*Side Note: If you feel stuck, restless, or like you are supposed to be doing something you’re afraid of, please read the book I’m reading right now (Thanks, Laura!): The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. It’s definitely not just for artists. Extremely helpful in battling the “resistance” that gets in the way.
