Sometimes we don’t really know what a word means until we actually experience it.
Parenthood.
Grief.
Exuberance.
Cancer.
There is something about actually living in the definition of the word that changes everything. A profound understanding of something that before may have been just theoretical in our minds.
I remember feeling that way about the word “grace”. Until I was at the bottom of an emotional and spiritual pit, I didn’t understand my true need for it. I didn’t fully comprehend its beauty until I realized just how desperate my heart and soul were for its rescue. It went from being just a simple, easily used, one-syllable word to becoming exactly what it embodies – absolutely undeserved, beyond measure, completely irrational by human standards, fully unmerited favor from God Himself. The warmest blanket of unconditional forgiveness and love extended by the safest arms of God for my shivering, naked soul.
Finally, grace is more than just a grouping of five letters in a familiar song or verse. It has become a word so meaningful that it catches in my throat each time it tries to make its way to my lips. It is my antidote, my answer, my cure. And I pray that it bleeds out of me in a way that others can experience its true definition.
But today…
Today I am clinging to grace in a new way.
Not for my failings, but for my frailty.
In my utter exhaustion over the past couple of days, these verses have sprung into my head – “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)
Weary and burdened. Jesus couldn’t have described the condition of my heart and body any better.
And again, I have come to understand the meaning of those two words, weary and burdened, like never before. I am experiencing them now and feeling their weight.
Weary and burdened resembles tired and depressed, if I’m completely honest. Uglier, less poetic, a bit more stark, but true.
Coming back from Cambodia has been so much more difficult than I anticipated. So many mixed emotions. So many questions. The weight of needing to do more, there, here, everywhere. Extreme fatigue of all my faculties. All creativity drained, all sense of purpose somehow diminished. An aching, body and soul, very literally.
And while I’m told this is normal, “to be expected”, that it just “goes with the territory” of traveling overseas and being so impacted, it is still very real.
Once again, I am needing to lean into grace and the power of its meaning.
2 Corinthians 12:9 – But he said to me, “My GRACE is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Weary and burdened. These are my current weakness.
And He says His grace is sufficient for that.
What does that grace look like in terms of “weary and burdened”? I looked back at the verses I quoted earlier –
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)
Grace, in this case, looks like rest. Oh, how my soul longs for that right now. Physical rest. Spiritual rest from all the pounding doubts and questions. Emotional rest from the deep sadness.
He trades my “difficult and heavy” for “easy and light”.
Grace in a whole new light. Nothing to offer Him, but receiving everything he has to offer ME in my void.
So I will wait. I will rest. I will experience another vast and deep meaning of a word that ever becomes more beautiful.
Grace.
Amazing Grace…
