Wrestle –
To contend by grappling and attempting to throw or immobilize one’s opponent, especially under contest rules.
Nestle –
- Settle or lie comfortably within or against something.
- Lie or be situated in a half-hidden or obscured position.
Two words so close in spelling and sound and so opposite in meaning. As I find myself in this place of seclusion and quiet, those are the two words that I swing back and forth between.
There is a wrestling in my soul right now. A restlessness that comes when God is about to do something. Emotions of fear and anxious thoughts claw their way into my heart. Their goal? To distract, discourage and disengage my heart, soul and mind from my goal and my God. I fight them with everything in me and try to wrestle them down. Sometimes I win, but they are worthy opponents and leave me exhausted after the fight with less to give to my worship and my writing.
What I should be doing instead of wrestling is nestling. Climbing up into the safe arms of Jesus and resting there. He is my shepherd, I am His sheep. He is the protector, the One who fights off the wolves of fear and doubt. He “leads me beside still waters” and “restores my soul”. He makes sure that I am nourished and refreshed. He keeps me in that quiet place in the crook of His arm where my soul is free to worship and write.
The writing that I am doing right now is important. The stories of women who have come through painful and difficult circumstances. Women who want their stories to make a difference for someone else. Brave women who are putting themselves out there for the benefit of others. I don’t take any of their words lightly. This may be the reason that there is such a natural fight and desire to wrestle inside of me. But God has seen these women through. He has battled and wrestled for them and with them. They are in a place of victory now. Not without battle scars, but triumphant.
So today my prayer is to nestle and not wrestle. To pen the words that God brings through leaning into His heart and the hearts of these women. That angst would not be the backdrop, but sweet peace and trust. This project is His and in that fact I can nestle deeply…
Psalm 23 –
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.
.
