“Passing” comments do not always pass. Sometimes they stick. Though the person saying them may not give them a second thought, the person receiving them may be stuck with them for the rest of their life. In third grade, I remember a teacher (not even mine) getting after me for running in the hall and told me that I “wasn’t a good citizen”. Ouch. For some reason I’m still not sure of, that haunted me for a very long time, and still, obviously, I remember it’s lasting sting. I’m sure the teacher forgot those words immediately after she said them, but for the rest of my elementary career, I was sure that that particular teacher hated me.
A couple of weeks ago I received another comment. It was said in “passing” and I think might have been actually meant as a compliment, but it has plagued my brain for the last few days. Fortunately, I don’t remember who said it or even the exact setting. It was in reference to either my decorating or my clothing or my writing. I can’t remember. But the comment was, “You don’t see things like other people do.” I think they meant that I see a different purpose for things, or come at things from a completely different angle, or put things together differently. And though I don’t think they meant it negatively, it lightly brushed against some of my insecurities.
See, I feel like there is a part of my brain that didn’t fully develop like other people’s. My exuberance for life comes from a place of “living in the moment” and sometimes I don’t think I possess the ability to plan or think ahead fully. My “childlike” attitude stems from a naive trust. My creative endeavors seem to occupy much more of my mind than any practical thought processes. I get excited about the big picture – the vision – but have trouble with the details of getting there. Relationship always trumps rules. I sometimes feel like the female version of Peter Pan…
And in these respects, I often feel like a disappointment to other “normal” adults. Like I can’t keep up with their calendars and organization. Their thought processes and plans. Each day for me feels like a new adventure and the thought of looking too far ahead escapes me and frankly, overwhelms me. This is where I feel as if I am stunted.
On the heels of this comment came an experience this week that opened that wound again. It wasn’t so much the words that were said by this person this time, but the tone with which it was said, that made me feel once again like I was not enough, that I just didn’t get it. I know they didn’t mean it that way, but it shut me down, and I felt a protective wall threatening to place a brick. And walls and a “childlike” spirit do not co-exist well together.
We all have insecurities. Things that make us feel different or unacceptable or afraid. And knowing that I need to be so very careful and deliberate and intentional with my words and my tone. Words are powerful and tone is potent. They can bring great healing or great harm. I want my words to encourage and build up and honor others. I want to be sensitive to the fact that life is fragile and so are people and need to be handled with great care. I want to put my “honey” where my mouth is – sweet to the ears and satisfying to the soul.
Proverbs 12:25 – Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.
Proverbs 16:24 – Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
You’re a gem. I LOVE the way God made you. I have probably been one of those people who have made you feel that way in the past . . . that you’re crazy for not keeping a calendar, or for letting strangers come into your house. I’m sorry for that. But you know what? You have taught me SO much about “being Jesus” to people, about true joy, about loving unconditionally. And you have modeled the command that Jesus gave us to not worry about tomorrow. You are beautiful and perfect exactly the way God made you. Thank you for sharing your heart. I’m sorry that people say things that hurt you, but don’t believe the lies that you are anything less than perfect to your Creator. Love you!
oh, girl, you just made me cry….Thank you for your sweet words. I don’t understand the way I am wired so I can’t imagine that other people would get it either. I frustrate myself and I’m sure, at times, others, with my idiosyncrasies. I don’t try to. I just can’t help it. I fight it and fight it, but I guess “I is what I is”. Thanks for embracing me in spite of that….I love you, too 🙂
Again, Jana, Home Run!
I feel badly that, after reading your blog, I don’t always take the time to comment and to allow you to realize how much your sweet words Mean to me/touch my Soul.
Thank you so much for sharing your Beautiful Thoughts with us, you bring a great sense of Peace and Enlightment to my hectic world.
P.S. I can’t even begin to imagine any one person having any “negative” thoughts about you or your intentions…You are an OPEN BOOK, Delightful,Caring, Beautiful, Thoughtful, Generous, Intuitive, Sensitive, Loving, Understanding, Creative, Charming, Sharing, Unique, Imaginative, Honest… etc.
Now, Please Insert the word, HIGHLY in front of all the above descriptive words…you’re now half-way there, DearHeart…..Have your SweetSelf a sunny day, you made mine so.
Seriously, MaryJo? Wow. Thank you…..now those, my friend, are words made of honey! Thank you for your faithful reading and feedback. You have encouraged me greatly and I appreciate you more than I can say….Huge hugs to you, my friend 🙂 And I hope the rest of your day is as yummy as you just made mine! Thank you, thank you…..
Love the title! That’s a good motto to live by! I’m one of those to say something flippantly and not realize that it may strike a chord I hadn’t meant to strike. Thanks for the reminder!
Those of us – who truly know you – want nothing but the best and nothing but happiness for our Awesome Friend Jana! Sunshine and butterflies and bare feet and sweet breezes. And music. That’s what you deserve!
Thanks for sharing your heart.
Ooooooh! You mentioned some of my favorite things and things I am enjoying today – bare feet, sunshine, sweet breezes and music! Add a little chocolate and I may just slip into a happy coma! Thanks for your sweet words, girl. You are one of the people who has put up with me the longest on this earth! 42 years we’ve known each other! Love you much 🙂
Oh, that my tongue might so possess the accent of His tenderness, every word I breathe should bless! For those who mourn, a word of cheer; a word of hope for those who fear; and love to all men, far or near. Oh, that it might be said of me, “Surely thy speech betrayeth thee as friend of Christ of Galilee.”
—-Thomas R. Robinson
This has been my goal for many years, and it will take much more time. G-ma
Amen, G-ma! And you HAVE done that for your whole life!!!! I love you and miss you! Wanna talk soon??? xoxo
Give me a call!!!
Gonna try and call you today, grandma! It’s been too long! 🙂