Jesus and I are conducting a little experiment together.  Actually, I’m looking at it as an experiment.  He sees it as His plan all along…

I am, by nature, a worrier.  Most people probably don’t know that about me, as I have gotten pretty good at hiding it over the past 47 years.  But the pit I carry in my stomach from time to time and the Lexapro prescription that graces my medicine cabinet (anti-anxiety) are tell-tale signs that I tend towards fret.

I have struggled with this since I was a little girl.  I was terrified of germs and of getting sick.  One time, sitting on my dad’s lap reading the newspaper, I misread a headline, “The Flu Bug is Back” and thought it said, “The Flu Bug is Black”.  For months after, every time I saw a black speck in the bathtub, I would jump out immediately, sure that the flu bug was sitting right there in front of me waiting to attack. Sad, but true.

As I got older, worry shifted from “bugs” to people.  I have always felt the huge responsibility to make sure that everyone in my life is happy and doing well and if they aren’t, then I, in some way, have failed them.  When friends or family have struggles or difficulties or experience pain or grief, I want to make it better.  And if I can’t, then I tend to carry it around.  And worry.  And after a time, the worry gets weighty and I hit a wall of emotional exhaustion.

I don’t worry about events or things.  Safety and security are not things that make me lose sleep.  But if I know that someone is hurting, I will lie awake at night thinking about how I could possibly make it better or make it go away.  People, my greatest joy in life, are also my greatest source of anxiety.   And Jesus has been showing me that I need to let that go and to trust Him with them and their well-being.

My pastor quoted the great theologian, Spurgeon, this past weekend.  He said, “If you can’t trace God’s hand, trust His heart.”  Love that.  I can’t see all that God is doing behind the scenes in my life and in the lives of those I love.  Sometimes I can’t trace His hand at all.  But I can always trust His heart.  And that heart loves me and loves my friends and family more than I can even imagine.  How can I not trust that He has everyone’s best interest in mind?  He is Love.  And everything He does in all of our lives comes from that source.  How reassuring is that????

So here is my experiment.  When my heart is heading toward worry and I want to run ahead and fix it and say something helpful that will “make everything better”, I will stop.  I will stop and be quiet recognize that Jesus is right there – with me and with them – and that His very able hands, though I may not be able to trace them, are very much at work.  And then I will pray.  I will pray for a sense of peace in the waiting and a reassurance that I can trust His heart in all things.  And finally, I will watch.  I will watch because I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that things will begin to happen.  Things will begin to change.  Opportunities will open up.  Miracles will begin to happen.  And why?  Because I worried?  Hardly.  Because I left worry behind and chose to trust instead.  I let go.  And in the letting go, I can more clearly see the trace of God’s hands at work, because I am not worrying about the circumstance but am watching for the answer.

So today I will not let WORRY DROP me to my knees.  I will let TRUST DRAW me to my knees in prayer and thankfulness to the One whose heart I know will never let me down. And that will make all the difference…

Philippians 4:6-7  “DO NOT BE ANXIOUS about anything, but in everything, by PRAYER and PETITION, with THANKSGIVING, present your REQUESTS to God.  And the PEACE of God, WHICH TRANSCENDS ALL UNDERSTANDING, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  Yippee!!!!