(This is a rough draft of the intro/premise of my book. Would love feedback on what you think….is it clear? Does it make sense? Be honest….I can take it 🙂 I have made changes since I’ve received comments…)
Loving Jesus. The most profound thing that we will ever do. The thing that matters most. The thing that thrills the heart of God. The greatest commandment. And maybe the most elusive. What does it mean to truly love Him? Does it just imply a devotion, a commitment, or an allegiance to Him? We know that intimacy is possible in human relationships, but is it possible that we can have a personal, rich, intimate relationship with the God of the universe? Something deeper and more satisfying? I have to think so when it says in Mark 12:30 – ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ That’s all of who we are, involved in this relationship. God is asking us to throw it all in and enjoy all of who He is with everything that we are.
I’d love for you to join me on this journey of discovery. A journey that has the capacity to change our lives forever. Any journey is always better with a friend- someone that is experiencing the whole thing with you. Someone to encourage you when you get tired, or frustrated or lost. Someone who will read the map with you and sometimes for you. Someone that will be there to help you when you get hurt along the way from tripping. Someone to be in awe with as you discover new things together.
God desires an intimate relationship with every one of His children. And I believe that it is something that every believer longs for and yet so few experience. As if it were some great unattainable enigma. But it doesn’t have to be an unsolved mystery. In fact, it shouldn’t be.
Are you ready for the adventure of a lifetime? The journey that will forever change our lives? Will you come with me? Let’s discover what it really means to enjoy a love relationship with Jesus every single day of our lives and how that will affect not only our world, but the world of those around us.
Jesus, please show us the way….
Love it!! Let me know when the book comes out. 🙂
I think you can get your point across more succinctly if you tighten it up – take out the repetitious phrases and long strings of questions.
On a technical note, decide whether or not to avoid the common misuse of the word “impact” (personally, I wouldn’t use it, but then again, it might fit into your conversational style). Correctly, you would use “influence” or “affect” or “have an impact on” instead. For me, it would be an accuracy issue, but for you it may be a style issue.
And I like the writing style. It suits you! You go, girl!
Thanks for your thoughts, Susan. I agree, I need to cut the questions down a bit. But I was confused by what you said about the word impact. As a verb it means “to have an affect on” which is what I meant when I used it…Can you clarify? Never mind…I just changed the sentence 🙂
Jana, You’re on your way! I felt that you created a hunger and thirst to journey further with you.To me the questions makes the reader curious enough to pursue the adventure ahead.
We love you, Jana.
Nama and Papa
Thanks, Nama and Papa! It really is my desire to invite others in for something that I have tasted and sipped of and long for more of. Please pray with me in this whole process, that it will be His thoughts and not just my own….and please feel free to correct me if I take too many liberties or misinterpret something…Love you guys so very much. And Papa, your bible is what is beside me through this whole thing 🙂
Okay! Here goes my two cents worth. (if they’re even worth that, more like a cut penny on a railroad track but here goes)
First off, I agree with Susan and the too many questions. I was thinking the same thing before I read her comments.
Also? I might think about taking out the “This journey for me” paragraph. Not because it’s not good, I’m just not sure it would entice me to read a book. When I’m standing there for a few seconds to peruse the meat of a book, I scan for the jist of it and want to move on.I pretty much make that decision within seconds. If I’m searching for a book about how to make me a better person, I don’t want to feel like the person might just be using the book as their personal therapy session. I like those books in the autobiographical sections. Does that make sense?
You have a BEAUTIFUL style of writing and your love and sensitivity for others melts over the pages. Your joy for Christ and insight into His heart are amazing. No doubt about it.
I’m not sure what the category is your aiming for but, at least for me, if you’re going to write a form of your autobiography, make it about your journey and leave that section where it is. If you’re going to write a inspirational/motivational book, maybe take that part out for now and tuck it within the pages instead of the cover.
Well, that’s it. You’re awesome and I love you dearly. So proud of you for stepping out and doing this. As a writer you’re going to get lots of advice and sometimes you will listen and sometimes you will say “screw it”. If you don’t agree with a thing I said, it’s all good and I still adore you and your scarves. 😉
xoxoxo,
Kramer.
Thanks, Kramer 🙂 I need to hear these things, because my goal is to invite readers in, not irritate them and repel them 🙂 So I appreciate very much what you said. I’m going to sit down at some point today and rework it. Who knows? Maybe a complete overhaul.
Great insight and advice. This is good practice for when I sit down with the editor and she tears everything apart! Please just pray that God continues to speak and that I continue to listen in this process. I am trying not to be overwhelmed and terrified by the whole thing!
Love you so very much and so incredibly thankful that God has brought you into my life. Can’t imagine life without you now! Looking forward to our “date” next Tuesday 🙂
xoxoxo
j