Remember that phrase? “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” The typical “mom” line. Pretty good advice. Advice that I took to heart today. Not that I wanted to say anything bad. I just couldn’t think of anything good to say. You could say I was in a bit of a funk today. Totally lacking in creativity, and feeling void of any pearls of wisdom in my head or my heart. I could have written something any way. After all, it’s part of my daily routine. But it would have felt insincere and a little fake. I would have been forcing out every word. And if you know anything about me, you know that I don’t do fake well. So I opted for silence.
I did not feel like myself today. I felt like I was watching myself from the outside. I wanted to be excited. I wanted to be inspired. I wanted to have something to offer. But it just wasn’t there. I wasn’t exactly sad or mad or anxious. I was just kind of numb. It puzzled me and greatly frustrated me. I just couldn’t seem to snap out of it.
I thought about it a lot. It bothered me because it felt selfish and self-centered. And there is nothing I hate more in myself than being self-focused. But I’m thinking maybe I got a new little glimpse into how I tick and how to handle it….
I live emotions out fully. I express them fully. I share them. I write about them. Normally they are very positive emotions, but sometimes there are painful ones as well. And each one is experienced to the full extent. It’s how I do life. It’s all I know to do. It’s who I am. It makes me love how I love and it makes me hurt how I hurt.
So here is the thought…..I think that occasionally, my heart and soul need to hibernate. To take a break and rest for a little while. Like my heart is taking a little nap or something. And I need to let that be okay. A rejuvenation is taking place so that I can live life fully again. So I can feel like myself again.
This aha! moment was a bit of a breakthrough for me. I could go through the rest of the day without feeling guilt and feeling ashamed of myself for not being all that I could be today. I truly think that Jesus rocked my heart to sleep today. And He’ll wake it up again.
Thanks for letting me process. Thanks for letting me be silent today. Sometimes it’s just better that way…:-)
Matthew 11:28 – Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
