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Oops…feisty came out again last night.  I had an online encounter with someone last night who pushed every one of my feisty buttons.  You know the feeling…it wants to bubble up out of you and make you spew things that should not be said, but you don’t.  Or at least you don’t say most of them.  Yeah.  That’s what happened last night.

My struggle with this person, who, for obvious reasons will remain anonymous, was arrogance and lack of grace towards another.  And of course it was posted on a popular social networking site, so the judgmental, condescending words were out for all to see.  I tried to look away.  I tried to shut my computer.  And I actually did.  That lasted for about five minutes and then I just couldn’t help it.  I had to say something.  Knowing that my state of mind was “pissed off” (sorry, mom!) I chose my words carefully as I wrote a comment of my own.  The online conversation went back and forth several times.  I don’t know what he thought by the end, but I was thoroughly frustrated and strangely invigorated at the same time.  There is a fire that burns in me when people ignore grace and replace it with hyper-spiritual jargon and arguments, using scripture to defend themselves, but denying the example of Jesus Himself.  Irritates the crap out of me.  Sorry, again, mom…. Mark was laughing at me because I was so wound up and actually enjoying the “debate”.  (Dad, I think a little bit of you showed up in me last night!)

Well, needless to say, I needed to check my own motives and my own levels of grace towards this person.  And I can’t say that my motives were totally pure.  I got an awful lot of satisfaction out of sharing my view.  But it just struck both Mark and I so deeply, this person’s lack of humility and grace.  Still, a person whom Jesus loves dearly.  (Jesus, forgive me for wanting to kick him in the….shins.)

My encounter this morning was at the complete opposite end of the stick.  A person for whom I care dearly who is going through a world-turning-upside-down experience that will forever change their life.  A person (make that, people) in dire need of love and grace.  My heart broke a dozen times today as I thought and prayed over the situation.  And grace was the easiest, most natural thing to come out of me.

Isn’t it interesting that such different types of people and situations evoke such different reactions?  The arrogant, difficult people in our lives make us angry, the hurting people make us sympathetic and caring.  But what is the underlying thing that both types need?  Grace.  Beautiful, senseless, ridiculous grace.

I’m really glad that Jesus believes in grace.  He has shown it to me daily my whole life and has needed extra amounts of it on some days of my life.  Truckloads even.  It is what saved me when I was seven.  It is what rescues me every moment at 47.

Sometimes grace is easy.  This morning it was.  Last night, not so much.  But I don’t think Jesus leaves it as an option for us.  We need to do it because it’s what He’s done for us.  Amazing, beautiful, senseless grace.

Romans 5:8 – But God demonstrated His own love for us in this; while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

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xo, jana

 

 

 

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