So now it’s time to tell you the story of the wonderful man who has done life with me for the past 28 years. And whose name I have shared for the past 25. The father of my five beautiful children. This is a glimpse into our history and how God brought him into my life…
1980 – Olympia, Washington
She was seventeen and had only been allowed to date for a year when she decided she was done with that scene. She wasn’t into casual dating. If she was going to invest in another person’s life, she wanted it to mean something. To matter. So she talked to God about it and told him that she would rather not waste her time dating any more if it wasn’t the real thing.
Now this will seem a little strange and out of sequence or context or something, but nonetheless, it happened. She was out with friends from her church. They began talking about some friends of theirs – the Jarvis family. They were about to move to Washington from California to pastor a church in her town. They made mention that they thought that the son, Mark, was engaged. She had never met the guy. She had never even seen a picture of him. And she certainly didn’t know him. So why did she get this strange pit in her stomach when she heard this? It didn’t make sense…
Her junior year was exciting and fun. Homecoming court. Modeling for a photography studio. Fun teenage girl stuff. Let’s just say, she wasn’t exactly pining away for a guy. She was fully in the moment and enjoying life.
Christmas break came. Many of her friends that had already graduated and had gone away to college were home. So she attended a local church to see some of them. It just so happened to be the church that the Jarvis family came to pastor. She had heard rumors that the oldest son (again, Mark) was so handsome and fun. And apparently, not engaged. Every high school girl there hoped that she would be the lucky one that would catch his eye. She SO did not want to be one of those girls – hanging on his every word, following him around like a puppy, laughing at all of his jokes. So as she entered the church, her main goal for the evening was to make sure that she did not meet this guy. She did not want to give him the pleasure. (aren’t I evil?)
She made her way to the front and sat with her friends. After the service she waited for her friend Greg. He was home from college and had always been like a big brother to her. She was casually leaning against the pew, when she saw him. She knew it was him by how all the girls had described him. Tall. Thin. Dark. Handsome. She averted her eyes to avoid an introduction. But he ignored the attempt. He walked up and introduced himself with a huge grin. She smiled in spite of herself. Darn it! This was NOT part of the plan…
They began talking and ended up having a great conversation. They talked mostly about their mutual friends, one in particular who happened to be a girl. It seemed that he might have an interest in the friend, so she dismissed their meeting as just another new acquaintance made.
Months came and went and her junior year was over as summer vacation began. Picnics. Trips to the lake. County fairs. All the fun things that come with summer. And the summer rumor mill. Her friends started whispering that they had heard that Mark wanted to ask her out. Well, she was just going to play it cool. HE was going to have to make the first move. She wasn’t going to chase down a guy who probably thought he was all that and a bag of chips. She would not be that girl.
Which was fine, except that he was a little slow on the draw. Apparently, he was nervous. Maybe even afraid? Which sounds cute now, but at the time she was very irritated and impatient. Three weeks she waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, a phone call. And a plan for a first date. She acted like it was no big deal, but she couldn’t help but smile.
Being a girl, she had to come up with the perfect outfit. After many tries, she landed on a pair of lavendar(ugh!) pants and and white blouse. Her hair was long and pulled to the side in a single ponytail (are you getting a visual of that girl on Napolean Dynamite? Sad!) He picked her up in his little light blue Chevette, and off they went to have dinner at a beautiful restaurant with a view of waterfalls and trees all around. A true gentleman, he opened her doors, pulled out her chair and listened intently when she spoke.
There was one time in the evening when she wished he hadn’t been listening so intently. They were looking at their menus and deciding what to order. She was a country girl and didn’t get out much. So she had some questions about the menu that he was happy to answer. Like, what kind of fish is filet mignon? After she got over her humiliation, the laughter that followed continued for the rest of the evening. Any awkwardness just vanished. A little sheepishly, she smiled.
After dinner, he took her to the mall. Not for shopping. Not for dessert. For people watching and making up stories as they walked by. Followed by a reenactment of Get Smart, complete with removal of shoes to use for phones. And she realized that she had met someone who not only understood, but shared her whackiness. And she smiled.
She was falling for this guy that she had hoped she wouldn’t meet. And he seemed to be falling, too. For the next three weeks, they spent every moment that they could together. Every date cheap but fun! Lots of laughing and talking. She knew that whatever happened in their relationship, he would always be a great friend.
The knowledge of that gave her great confidence as he packed up his bags to head back to college. He would leave for California, and she would remain in Washington to finish her senior year of high school. They promised to write letters every day and to talk once a week on the phone. And through tears, she smiled.
Long story short, the next two out of three years they were separated by two states. He would come home for vacations and some holidays. But they faithfully wrote their letters and made their calls. And fell in love through telephone lines and stationery. Though the distance was difficult, it sharpened their communication as they realized that when phone calls were limited to once a week, every word and nuance counted.
1984 – On June 23, she put on her mother’s wedding dress. It was hot, and their was no air conditioning in the little church where they had first met. The day was simple but just what she had imagined. 400 plus friends and family. Her father-in-law officiating. Her own dad singing. A slide show and music and familiar faces. As his dad led the very personal ceremony, Mark smiled and cried. As the tears streamed down his face, she reached up and wiped them with her fingers. God had blessed her with a man who loved her more than life. And she smiled.
Life brought them many amazing things. She got to see him cradle their firstborn and begin his journey of being a wonderful father. He was lovingly by her side as she birthed four more children that he would love with all of his heart every day of his life. They would buy houses. Take wonderful vacations. Meet wonderful friends. Make beautiful memories.
But life also brought them great grief. The loss of Mark’s brother at age 29. Serious medical issues with two of their children. The death of their fifth child. Great loss. And he held her and loved her and walked the road of grief with her holding her hand the whole way. And they not only survived, but thrived. The laughter that had begun their relationship and marked their marriage was suddenly even more vital. And after she cried, she smiled.
As much as they shared in common, they were definitely two very different people. A balance of opposites. He thought with his mind. She, with her heart. He was well planned and and she was random. He was careful with sharing his emotions and she wore hers on her sleeve. He loved sports. She loved the arts. But they shared the love of good conversation and meaningful dialogue and even their most difficult talks would turn into a deeper understanding and love for each other.
The nineteen year old boy that she fell for grew into this man that shared every life experience with her. The good, the bad and the ugly. And there were still so many things that life would bring. She would see him become a father-in-law, a grandpa, multiple times. And instead of throngs of young teenage girls swarming around him, as had been the case when she met him, he would be surrounded by her children and grandchildren. Loved deeply by all of them, but loved first by her. And she would smile.
