Broken heart.  You would think thirteen years would lessen the pain.  But I think you just learn to live with it.  And sometimes, like today, the emotion feels raw and fresh and like no time at all has passed in the grieving process.  And you wonder how you have survived this long. A lump in your throat that won’t go away.  A pain in your chest that only reminds you that a part of your heart is missing.

And then God gives you a mental picture.  A sweet taste of the heaven you have longed for all your life but haven’t been able to fully visualize mentally.  And there is your little boy running with other sweet children and with Jesus himself.  They are all holding these amazing balloons in colors you have never imagined that are bouncing in the air to the rhythm of their precious giggles of delight.  There is the bluest sky with the most beautiful puffy clouds.  And behind the intoxicating sound of laughing children, is a background of subtle but intensely lovely music. 

Jesus stops running and plants himself in the most luscious green grass.  The kind that even smells green.  The children all follow his lead. There are so many of them, yet each one is able to touch him or sit in His lap and feel thoroughly and completely loved and known and understood.  They are captivated by Him.  He tells them wonderful stories of heros and heroines.  Of acts of magic He calls miracles.  Of things that children understand completely and adults can hardly comprehend.  And time passes and stands completely still all at once. 

As Jesus stands up, there is a smile that says that he is up to something fun and unexpected.  He motions for the children to follow.  And again they break into a run, balloons bouncing, as they giggle in anticipation of what He has up His sleeve.

Coming over one of the many rolling hills, they see something that nearly takes their breath away.  They stop to take in all that lies before them.  The biggest table imaginable with the most delicious looking chocolate cake a child could ever dream about.  The table is set and ready for a party.  And the balloons…oh the balloons!  Hundreds and hundreds of them, brighter and bolder and more beautiful than words.  Color upon color upon color.  The definition of fun and happiness.  And the only thing more amazing than all of this is the huge smile on Jesus’ face.  The joy of each child coming through His eyes.  The thrill He feels in giving them a birthday party that would outshine all of the birthdays that they missed in their too short lives. And there is no end to the smiles of each child who has gotten a jump start on eternity.

So tonight, through tears, I will picture balloons.  And a little boy with a big smile and a sense of wonder as he runs and plays with Jesus.  And I will smile, too.